It felt odd when I failed and everyone knew. There was a certain level of expectation that I had it under control. Inside, I felt pressure that I put on myself and I’m unsure how I would of handled not graduating the Martial Arts Instructor Trainer and how it would affect me while waiting for another opportunity to go.
As a person, you learn to pick yourself up and listen to your inner voice. You do that because no one else is encouraging you the way you need them to. They miss the mark or they offer something shallow to takes it place. It’s almost as if they might not even know. The pain of failure and learning to “chase” that goal or dream.
“I can’t shake that feeling that it wasn’t that they didn’t care. It was that it didn’t matter to them as much as it mattered to me. I can’t blame them for it.”
It will be humbling when that day comes to meet them and I won’t be able to help or care as much as them. But we will both know, that I know what you’re going through and that you have to get after it again!
I didn’t have the traditional mentors, I envied Marines who just had someone in their corner. This was a me problem too, I recognized that I keep a one arm’s distance from them and I outperform wherever I’m at to let them know that I’m independent. I observed and watched. What did Marines respect. They respected experience and Marines that went through trials and getting on the other side. There is something to note of individuals who are willing to go out of their comfort zone. A spark for me to try to go outside of my comfort zone.
Inspired Knight 